Name: Nina
Married to a soldier on May 26, 2001
Mommy to K. 05.23.03 and I. 03.23.05
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Saturday, December 09, 2006
...doing much better and released from the hospital today. Thanks Kevin for writing these updates on my behalf. Please ya'll, refer to my regular blog for the updates as i see fit to write them.
Posted at 02:55 am by NinaClaunch
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Monday, December 04, 2006
Nina exhibits the normal amount of embarassment for having been hospitalized and feels markedly better. Whatever was done appears to have worked, the ICU may release her today but she will remain in the hospital for a few more days of observation. I expect her to recover fully and be home within the week.
Hopefully I can convince my unit to give me those few more days or it looks like I am going to have to be AWOL here with my kids come Wednessday at 0600 when I need to report back to the airport *shrugs*. I think I could beat the courtmartial or if not then; *shrugs* life goes on. I think out of my entire unit I want to be in Iraq more than anyone else and I've kept fighting to remain there (combat pay puts more meat in our freezer, and the Tricare incidentally is paying for all that fancy machinery keeping Nina alive) it would be ironic for me to be the one who refuses to return on time from leave.
Kevin
Wow, I just noticed how quickly this has turned into my blog... I think I will have rename it kevinclaunch...? Maybe not such a good idea.
I doubt I will put much else here so no news is good news, just because Nina is doing better does not mean that she needs to stop knowing how cared for she is. BTW Flowers are not optional in the ICU but if you send them to the house she can receive them when she gets back, but that is not really necessary. One of my pet peeves when ill is that all anyone wants to know about is your illness. I told her I was vague imparting the gravity of her illness and not the specifics because she has a right to privacy -HIPPA regulations and all ensure it-, don't call her to ask her how sick she is. That is the first thing that we do, that is not caring, call her to remind her that you care and that almost losing her scared you -it scared me-. If she wants to give you a play by play of hospital life then leave that up to her. I say this having spoken to her and discussing how she feels about such things. This is your chance, your SECOND chance to know her if you've been blowing the first one, use it wisely... she almost got away from us.
It takes events like this for us to realize how indispensable someone is to us and to our world. Think not just on her, -but kind of focus there for now- but on all of the people you love soooooo much, but never communicate with, don't visit, rarely see... spend some of that busy and important life with the people that you love because that is what it is for... I am a pretty huge offender with my constant overseas deployments, devotion to work, and my generally distant nature *shrugs* don't ignore my words just because I have to work on myself too. There aren't too many people that I let into my life, I tend to be aloof and untouchable. But those whom I have are central to it and losing just one of them topples the whole thing... I almost learned that in the most horrible of ways.
Posted at 08:36 am by NinaClaunch
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Sunday, December 03, 2006
Guess who called me as I was dressing to go see her?
Yep; she is breathing on her own now. I think that I am going to start doing that optimism thing.
Posted at 11:36 am by NinaClaunch
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For those worried, she appears to be improving but I am not to the optimistic point yet, the doctor expects her to be breathing artificially today and maybe tomorrow as well but she is more alert and more okay than before when I feared her loss.... okay maybe I am getting optimistic. She was looking good enough last night that I got some sleep when I came home with the boys. Some blustering and some forcing got Kevin in to see his mother last night... he really needed to know that she was there. He has been gtting very angry lately and he hates his grandmother but I think it is because he just misses his mother so much...
I got a call this morning and have received a few asking what is wrong. I am vague of the particulars of Nina's malady on purpose because it is for her to share or not share. Personally I share nothing medical about me with ANYONE, that kind of stuff bites you in the backside later in life and I have found it easier to say nothing at all. I blogged at her specific request that I inform people of her circumstance. Had she died I would have been candid and open but she has not and may not feel as forthright now that it looks like she may survive. She is very ill; focus on that, if you care about her it does not matter to worry that she cut her foot and it got infected, or that she had bad food poisoning or whatever, the end result is that she is ill and THAT is what she needs care for. I mentioned that she is on a ventilator to give you an idea of the extent of her illness and the gravity of her circumstances. I think that if you love someone you deserve a last chance to try to communicate with her.
I am going to see her again today for as much of it as I can, I'd have stayed last night but I did not want the boys to wake up to just Grandma in the home whom they are leery of, if I can calm Kevin into staying with his grandmother I don't plan to impose on Sarah anymore or Olga whose offered too. Nina has some REALLY good friends...
Posted at 09:23 am by NinaClaunch
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Saturday, December 02, 2006
Any turn could go for the worst, but she was a little bit alert if sedated (oxymoronic I know) and looking much better.
Thanks Sarah for watching the boys long enough to let me sit with her, Thanks mother if you arrive after all, thanks www.Kayak.com for having the most excellent fare searcher engine and getting me tickets within three hours of booking from... hmmmm... form California to Utah for about $299 and change.
She is able to squeeze my hand and shrug slightly though it may be more involuntary than not. She is very uncomfortable and actually did communicate for a little bit by shaking her head and by nodding (big no no by the way) to questions about where her discomfort was, it did not help much because it was the tube making her breathe and kind of a necessity. and I think that would blot out the senses making my voice just an annoying buzz. Having a tube down your throat and needles everywhere (did you know they put needles in your neck?) has the effect of making you feel unhappy.
P.S.
She thinks that she gave me the right blogger password, she can't speak (tube) to tell me the correct one though. If that can give you any indication of her current level of cognitive capacity, she is able to process abstract notions, able to reference her life cognitively, but dead wrong about the core concepts. *smiling* o.k.; I didn't feel like laughing about that one either... she and our little arguments about nothings are SORELY missed though....
Come home Nina
Posted at 03:49 pm by NinaClaunch
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I was not sure if anyone checked this blog but calls to her cellphone imply that it is. Nina is doing just a little bit better... that prognosis was given very hesitantly and comes more from me than them based on what they have told me so far, I am home explosively vomiting and watching our two sons one of which has been vomiting as well (so was she but MUCH worse) and so I live within the two minutes every half hour or so calls I make to monitor her condition. I do not know how to tell them if she does not recover... can't think about that now... musn't think about that...
I find that if I don't have to speak to anyone for more than twenty seconds I can sound normal and the tears almost don't blur my vision completely. I put my mother on a plane -Thank's mom- so that I can sit with Nina and stop trying not to fall apart in front of our boys. If I can just hold it together for a few more hours....
I write because there is nothing else that I can do save weep and beg and weep which I am doing even as I write. When the boys awaken we will be spending our day forcing our way into the ICU again and again and again -they don't like kids-.
Nina is a person it is easy to overlook, she is always there for anyone who needs her and asks for almost nothing in return. All she needs is to see a need -and she DOES see them- to give her bite of bread to a stranger or friend... Please come home Nina... Loathe to demand fair treatment she is often trampled and ignored but to know her, to TRULY know her is to absolutely love her because she is a shining example of what humanity can be.
It is easy to bask in her glow and not notice the extent of her suffering or her pain... Easy... it is stupid to do so... and most people are blind and stupid... I know that I was and am. She goes most days with no external contact other than our two children and perhaps; if noone in my corner of Iraq has died -they shut all commo down for several days if we have fatalities- and the internet allows -the internet connection at my FOB is sporadic at best- a chat with me -I am only home on leave-. I ask you; I have a lot to atone for and so have no real right to ask anything but; if a miracle saves our Nina please don't let her return home to think that nobody noticed that she was gone. If you care for her then write to her and tell her so, if she touches you as she cannot help but do, then write to her and tell her so please.. she deserves to know just how much she means to all of us and what a void exists in the world at her absence.
I am sorry if my punctuation/spelling/grammar/etc are poor and if my words don't really make sense... I have spent the entire night terrified, vomiting, weeping and dreading the moment when soon the boys will awaken -the ill one awakens to vomit and get hugs and water and clean his bed but goes back down- and have no idea what I am going to say when they ask were Mommy is...
I hope I don't sound like I want pity or sympathy, direct it ALL to NIna... with love and warmth and need... call her to us, tether her as best you can in your hearts so that if she is pulled away she will know that she is soooo still needed here.
Kevin
P.S.
She asked me to explain to everyone that she is ill on her main blog www.ninaclaunch.blogspot.com but she gave me an incorrect password and this password was only found in a file on her computer. I figure that I am probably exceeding my license but will try to tell people if she recovers... I would rather that she does though... can't think about that yet... one minute at a time... maybe it is time for my pester the nurses call..?
Posted at 08:18 am by NinaClaunch
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I am the husband of Nina, Please pray for her tonight if you are a praying person because she is very ill tonight and lives through the application of strong medicine and machinery... Pray that she will make it through the night. She is a very loved person and hopefully enough people reminding her as she tries to depart will convince her to remain.
Send her any warm will you are capable of projecting because her world has too long been cold
Kevin
Posted at 03:32 am by NinaClaunch
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
See, i know nothing of html..
So i did make a post here last night (you weren't dreaming) about switching to a new site and i *Had* switched everything over. Then i screwed it up. (so i deleted the post) All i know of Html is what i've figured out or taught myself so you can imagine how long it takes me to change my template or site. Anyway, IF the other site goes down again, i will be posting back here. Just a little safety net so to speak.
The new site for my blog is: www.ninaclaunch.blogspot.com
Please bear with me and if you see weirdness, just ignore it. Still tweaking it a bit. (i should learn but i don't.)
Posted at 03:43 pm by NinaClaunch
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Monday, July 25, 2005
What a day! And it's only 3 pm. Last night we went down early-ish. i was trying to sleep by 10:30. Boys were down. I. woke me at 12:30 and woke K. about 1. Now, we had to be up early this morning for a 5k that STARTED at 7! i had my alarm set for 4:20 in order to be up and get the boys up and get there and find parking. Well, by 2 the boys were down again but i was not. Funny how whenever i have to get up early, i can never sleep. So i took a bath and read some and by that time it was time to get ready and go. So we did. We left the house around 6:15. The 5k started not too far from where we live- maybe a 5 min. drive. Well, it took us 5 minutes and then some. The 5k was the shortest event today. There was a marathon that started in the mountains- don't know how far but we passed a sign saying : 25 mi. marker- so i know it was FAR! The 10 K started up at the University of Utah. The streets were ALL blocked off and i couldn't get near the starting point. I drove around and around and around and finally managed to get to the shopping center close by and find a place to park. I made it to the start of the 5K about 10 minutes after it started, but there were so many walkers, i wasn't even at the halfway mark of people. I was more towards the front. The charity, btw was: The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill.
The walk actually seemed pretty short- shorter than the other 5ks i've done. Speaking of mentally ill, some of the walkers decided to ignore the streetlights we were supposed to follow- duh, there are cars out there! Some of them even crossed the tracks with a train coming who had a green light. They're lucky they weren't hit because those trains just can't stop quickly. Idiots. At one point probably not even a quarter of the way through, the streets were lined on both sides with spectators. Spectators with blankets, chairs, tents, air mattresses and even couches! On the sides of the roads. I have to think they were there to watch the runners and i was sort of uncomfortable with so many people there just staring at us. They were there the ENTIRE REST OF THE WALK. Both sides of the street- about 3 or 4 deep at all times. SO many people! And then, as if i hadn't had enough, it started to rain. Now, i signed up for a 5k walk- not a 5k wet white t-shirt walk. Most of us were wearing the Deseret Morning News white tees and i was even more uncomfortable as my shirt got wet with all the spectators. Lovely huh? Well, it stopped after a bit. Not TOO wet and the boys had a blanket on to keep them dry. We got to the park which was the finishing point and there were buses there to drive us back to the starting point- but first they drove all over town dropping people off at the other starting points. Kevin loved the bus ride- loved it a little too much. He began screaming and biting me to get attention and i was wiped!
We got back to the D---- Center and found the car right where we left it. With no ticket! I was sure i was at least gonna get ticketed because the place where i parked was just for the shopping mall- but it had a 2 hour limit and we got back within that time. So yay! Took me about 50 minutes to get home but we finally did with no incident. There were some CRAZY drivers on the roads today due to the extreme blocking off of so many streets and partial streets. People were nuts! Making left turns out of center lanes and stopping, backing up and turning around in intersections! I was a little scared because of my temp license- until i get a real one, i'll be a little nervous on the road. But everything was fine and we got home all right and went straight to bed. It's now about 4 pm and we are up and just making it by. Me anyway. I'm still exhausted and dh is out of town for a while. Hopefully the boys will go to bed early again tonight.
LOL
Posted at 04:10 pm by NinaClaunch
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
Ok this is how it is: i reserve the right to take down this post later if i feel it went over into offensive territory. but for now...
i was talking to a relative the other day who has a little boy K's age. She mentioned she just shaved his head and asked me when/if we were shaving K's. I've been asked this before by several people and even dh wants to shave it (or so he says). I quite frankly am offended by this and here's why: Yes, we all love our kids to death. Most people say they don't care what their kid looks like, but in reality, i think they do. The fact that Kevin shares all of 2 physical traits with dh- the extreme curly hair and the blue eyes makes me want to hold onto his hair all the more. If he were say, a shade or two darker skinned then maybe i wouldn't care so much. shoot, i don't know what we'll be doing with Isaac's hair when it grows in. i suspect we'll leave it alone, but who knows? it's not so much of an issue to me because he looks like a mini- dh. with the blue eyes and all. But as for Kevin, i felt bad when he wasn't a little clone of him at birth.
And as for the paternity issue (yes, i'm going there) of COURSE he's his! i wouldn't have it any other way. i respect myself and my family too much. But we got a comment a few months ago. It was more of an : OMG! Stop and gawk in the middle of the store than just a comment. The lady said: "OMG! He looks just like Garfunkel!" "Doesn't he look just like Garfunkel?" Now, not to offend all you potential Garfunkel fans out there but PULEASE! First off, i think my son is just a teensy bit better looking than him. How are you gonna say that right in front of the whole store and my whole family? If i took the little oddball child of yours out and said out loud so all would turn around: OMG, he looks so much like so and so (who happened to be very different looking from anyone in your family), would you be just a little offended? Well i was. Certainly i was. Here i am a few months later huffing about it. It makes me angry and upset that people have the nerve to ask in front of my husband and myself "where did he get those curls from?" Obviously not me- i have wavy red hair. What do you think? What are you saying? Can you be any more insensitive? What happens when he grows up and realizes that he doesn't look exactly like his father or his brother? What then? Now, we treat our boys the same and we love them equally of course, but i still have the feeling that there will be some questioning later on in life. And for that reason, if only that reason, we will keep his curls as long as we need to. Not to mention, they are absolutely gorgeous and stunning.
(and to the relative i was speaking with, please don't be offended by my comments here. They weren't directed at you. I'm just tired of these sorts of questions.)
I'm proud of the heritage my boys have. I'm proud of our family and how well we all mix. I'm not in the slightest bit ashamed that we aren't all the same color. I happen to think we blend quite well and who wants to bet on what shade any other kids we may have might be? So please, if i see you on the street, please don't mention how different my boys look. Don't favor one over the other. It just isn't right. i know you wouldn't appreciate the same sort of attention to your kids.
Posted at 03:43 am by NinaClaunch
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